textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need to calm my uterus...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize