4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
