Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
