He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Randomize
