i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
