What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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