So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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