he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I look better un-naked...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
