Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
