my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
