Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
