I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
