I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
