if only i could text you this smell
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
