great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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