He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
