Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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