Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
