he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
