At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It all started with a game of naked twister.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
