just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize