my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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