So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
