i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
