so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
