so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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