My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
