i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
