I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
