even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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