my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
