Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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