i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.