i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
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I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.