I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2