Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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