so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
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