Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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