Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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