Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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