I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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