Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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