I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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