when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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