i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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