now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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