i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
