You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
