i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
