we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
