you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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