he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
