I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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