dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
