I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
