I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
