Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
