guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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