my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
