Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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