I am puke
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
