my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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