I am midnight drunk by noon
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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