Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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