best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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