Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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