The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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