I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
