Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
