i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
