we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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