I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
