Do you still have your period?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
