so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
