Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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