end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
