holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
