to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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