obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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